Sugar Babies
Tina : Okay, so, for my birthday tonight, no gifts. Especially that expensive top we saw at the Gap. I do not want...
Holly : Pink?
Tina : Blue, medium.
Holly : You know what I just realized? Your birthday is our first party as a couple
Tina : So my birthday become your party to you and Vince.
Holly : Oh, it's just that Vince and I are doing so great. We don't yell anymore. We discuss, you know? And if one of us, Vince, does something to make the other one, me, mad, we communicate. And then he apologizes.
Holly : Oh, my God, Gary. Quick, hide!
Tina : Why?
Holly : Because you made out yesterday. It's gonna be awkward.
Tina : Okay, we are fine, it's like it never even happened.
Gary : Hey, Holly. Hey, Tina. What do you guys want?
Tina : I'll just have a chocolate muffin.
Holly : But you just made out with a chocolate muffin yesterday.
Tina : Would you shut up?! There is nothing between me and Gary. I can't stand him. What happened between us was just...
A girl : Gary?
Tina : Who's that ho?
Gary : Hey, Stacy! How are you?
Holly : Ooh. Somebody a little jeal-o? That was the cutest thing I've ever seen. It's like looking in a mirror when I was 18 1/2.
The girl : So, I lost my cellphone, which, of course, had everyone's number in it. But the only one that I have to have is Vince's.
Holly : What'd the ho say?
The girl : Will you give Vince my number? Ooh, he's so crazy sexy!
Gary : Okay, scoot, scoot. Gary gets the picture. To Holly : Whoo. I wonder why that drag queen wanted Vince's number.
A man : Hi.
Val : Hi.
Man : Didn't we go to high school together? I don't think so. I was the editor of the paper. Weren't you friends with my sister?
Val : I don't think so.
Man : Boy! Well, you sure do look like that girl, only prettier and sexier. How about some coffee sometime?
Val : Oh, well, I'm flattered, but...
Man : No, I meant for me. I've been waiting here
Val : Oh, oh! Sorry. My bad.
Man : How about lunch?
Val : Okay, our special today is a panini
Man : No, I meant will you have it with me?
Val : Oh! Okay, now I'm flattered, right? Right. Okay.
Man : So, will you?
Val : Um, actually, I can't because I'm..., Iwell, I don't know if I'm allowed.
Lauren : Hmm. Well, wasn't that interessante? "I'm not allowed to date." Somebody loves her husband
Val : I do not!
Lauren : Oh, yeah? Well, if you really wanted out, then you would date that guy. What better way to show Vic that you don't want to be married to him than to fall in love with another man?
Val : That is so stupid. Are you still talking to that married guy on-line?
Lauren : Yes, because you were supposed to hide my computer from me. But you're so busy having everyone fall in love with you, you didn't see me watch you hide it!
Val : No, no, no.
Lauren : Give it to me.
Val : No. What you're doing here is sick.
Lauren : I'm sick? Yeah, okay. You have a married man you could be having sex with, and you're not! Oh! Why don't you just admit that you're falling for Vic and go for it already?
Val : When are you gonna understand? My marriage is a joke, okay? I went out with Vic and got drunk, and two hours later, we were saying, "I do."
Lauren : Oh, will you stop bragging?
Val : My marriage is not normal. I need normal. Okay? And it's too late for that to happen with Vic. Besides, it would never happen with Vic. I mean, he so bugs me! He's so cocky, so full of himself. And I hate it that he thinks I'm falling in love with him.
Vic : Hey, baby. How we feeling about me today?
Val : I'm speechless.
Vic : Ahh. I knew it. I knew it. I'm seeping in. I'm guessing pretty soon we're gonna be seeping together.
Val : Hmm. How could I seep with you when I'm dating another guy?
Vic : You're dating another guy?
Val : Yeah. How you like them apples?
Vic : Okay. Who, baby?
Val : That baby over there.
Vic : Hmm? -
Val : Yep, that's right. We're going out on a date tonight, actually. Me andwhat's your name?
Man : Charlie.
Val : Charlie. My date.
Vic : Oh, really?
Val : Yeah.
Vic : What's Charlie's last name?
Val : I just told you : Madate. Charlie Madate. He's Irish. I love the Irish.
Val's :
Vince : Hey, there's my Boo.
Holly : Hey, there's my Boo. Look what I found. Some Stacy girl stopped by the bakery and said that she lost her phone, and she wanted to make sure that you had her number.
Vince : Oh, thanks, babe. Is that a seven or a nine?
Holly : Huh? Oh, it's a seven. That little heart got in the way. Huh. Isn't that funny? You're programming it into your phone. See, I would have thought that you would have taken the phone number and crinkled it, but that's just me...your Boo.
Vince : Why would I crinkle it? It's just a friend of mine.
Holly : Yeah, no, I see. I see. So how many other "just a friend"s do you have in there?
Vince : Baby, I thought we weren't gonna do this.
Holly : We're not, baby, as long as you delete all those numbers.
Vince : You want me to delete every girl's name in my phone?
Holly : That'd be great. Thanks, hon.
Vince : No, I'm not gonna do it.
Holly : What do you mean you're not gonna do it? I mean, in the spirit of our new communicating, I would like to communicate that it bothers me that you are still thinking about other girls. I only think about you.
Vince : Well, since we're dialoguing here, let's talk about your ankle bracelet.
Holly : Okay. What about it?
Vince : Didn't your ex-boyfriend, Henry, give it to you?
Holly : Yeah. So?
Vince : So, when you put it on, you don't think about him?
Holly : Are you kidding me?! You are comparing your phone numbers to a gift from Henry?! They are two totally different things!
Vince : In that they're totally the same?
Holly : Oh, my God. So, you're not gonna delete those phone numbers?
Vince : Are you gonna take off the ankle bracelet?
Holly : No!
Vince : Then no!
Holly : Well, congratulations! We just had our first fight before our first birthday party as a couple! Let's party, baby! Wow.
Vic : Wow, you look amazing.
Val : Thank you.
Vic : Hey, if things work out tonight, I'll sleep on the couch.
Val : You already sleep on the couch.
Vic :Yeah, but tonight I'll wear clothes.
Val : Ew. Charlie, hi!
Charlie : Hi, Val. These are for you.
Val : Oh, thank you. I love flowers. You trying to get me to fall in love with you?
Vic : Buy her a bottle of tequila. She might marry you. Hey, Charlie, I'm Vic. I am Val's...
Val : Brother. He's my brother. Yeah, we're twins. He's the evil one.
Vic : Yeah, yeah, that's right. I am Val's bro.
Charlie : Your sister is very beautiful.
Vic : And an amazing kisser.
Charlie : What?
Vic : Look at that kisser, huh?
Val : Okay, I think we're late for dinner.
Vic : Okay, I'll see you later, sweetheart.
Charlie : Your brother calls you "sweetheart"?
Val : It's a nickname. He couldn't pronounce Val when we were younger. He's also the stupid twin.
Tina's
Tina : Oh, my God! The Gap top I... so, they were out of blue?
Vince : Holly wanted to get you an ankle bracelet. You know how much she loves them.
Holly : Vince really wanted to get you one of his old girlfriends because you know how he loves them.
Gary : Hey, hey, hey, hey. Now, come on now. What happened to no more fighting, huh? Now, if Tina and I can be civil toward each other after she attacked me in the jacuzzi
Tina : I attacked you?
Gary : I said I forgive you. And to prove it, I bought you something for your birthday. It's a whimsical card. I didn't write anything in it just in case you wanted to exchange it. It's the thought that counts.
Tina : Here's your whimsical thank-you note.
Holly : Ooh, Tina, this one's from your mom. You know what that means : cha-ching!
Tina : "Happy birthday." Enjoy a lovely weekend in Vermont at the Winchester Inn." My boyfriend's parents"are coming to New York Halloween weekend, and they'll need a place to stay, so go then." Aw, mom. You guys want to spend a weekend in Vermont?
Holly : It all depends. Would Vince have good cellphone reception there because he may want to call up one of his numbers.
Vince : I can always use Holly's ankle bracelet as an antenna.
Gary : Hey, hey. That's enough, people. Now, lookee here. Tina has graciously invited all of us to spend a lovely weekend in Vermont. Now, I, for one, adore free stuff!
Holly : Why don't you and Tina just go?
Gary : No!
Tina : My mom said to take friends!
Holly : Sorry, Tina, but I can't come.
Gary : Oh, just take off the damn anklet, girl.
Tina : As soon as he deletes all the freakin' numbers, moron!
Gary : Well, why should he? He told her those girls were just friends. I mean, why can't she just trust the boy?
Vince : Yeah.
Tina : Trust him ? The boy has been with a gazillion girls, including her best friend. Yeah! We'll talk about it later.
Gary : Well, what about him trusting her?! I mean, first, she's all with Henry, and then she's all about Vince, then she goes back to Henry, then she goes to Europe and brings back a European. No wonder he needs to keep those numbers. He needs a backup. No telling who she'll meet in Vermont.
Holly : Okay, wait. Is that true? Do you not trust me?
Vince : Well, now that Gary has thought about it, no, I do not trust you.
Holly : You don't trust me? Our whole thing is that I don't trust you! Well, our whole new thing is that we don't trust each other.
Tina : Well, look what you did, Gary. You make me sick. Well, I hate you. I could bite you.
Gary : Well, I could take your red ponytail and swing you around and 'round and 'round.
Tina : Okay, I am so outta here. You guys, thank you for a lovely birthday.
Holly : Great. Now look what you did.
Vince : Great. Now look what you did.
Gary : Great. Now look what you... Well, I could never be mad at you, jacuzzi.
Val's
Val : Okay, well, this is me.
Charlie : And this is me.
Val : Uh well, Charlie, that was the best, most romantic date I've had in, like, ever! Damn!
Charlie : What's wrong?
Val : My brother's not home.
Charlie : Great!
Val : Oh, God, he is home. Uh kiss me!
Lauren : Mmm.
Val : Lauren, what are you doing here?
Lauren : Excuse me, I just swallowed a xylophone.
Val : You found where I hid your computer.
Lauren : Oh, what ! a person can't just swallow a xylophone?
Charlie : Hello.
Lauren : Hi.
Val : No, Lauren! Um Hi.
Charlie : Hi.
Val : Um, you know what? I've had a lovely evening, but I am gonna say good night. Good night! Charlie : You are such a cool lady. Wait! When am I gonna see you again?
Val : Um, here's the thing, Charlie how about I call you?
Charlie : Super. Wow, you know, I'm just so excited that we got that first-date thing out of the way.
You know, now we can let our guards down and really be ourselves. Boy, I hope you like the real Charlie because the real Charlie sure likes you.
Val : Okay. Good night, Charlie.
Charlie : Good night.
Val, to Vic : Oh! Hey!
Vic : Oh, you're home.
Val : Oh, just. Yeah, Charlie. Oh, he's so funny and smart and romantic. The chemistry... whoo-hoo! Wow.
Vic : With all that chemistry, it must have been some kiss good night, huh?
Val : Oh, yeah. It was. Fireworks, tingles.
Vic : Tingles?
Val : Yep. It was hot.
Vic : What made it so hot?
Val : Oh, you know.
Vic : No, no. Was it the lips, the touch, the way he looked at you before he kissed you?
Val : Yeah, it was something like that.
Vic : Mmm. Andumwhen your hair fell in your face, did he brush it aside so he could see how beautiful you are like... like this? And then, did he whisper in your ear, "When I get this close to you, I can barely catch my breath"?
Val : Yeah, he said something like that.
Vic : My, God, you smell amazing.
Val : Hmm. He didn't said that.
Vic : Well, this Chuck sounds like quite a find. Congrats, baby. Good night.
Val : Hmm. Good night.
Sugar Babies
Charlie : Whoo! Hi.
Val : Charlie, hi. W-what are you doing here?
Charlie : Smiling. I can't stop. Ever since we started dating. What are you doing here?
Val : Umit got a little hot in my apartment.
Charlie : You flatter me.
Val : Charlie...
Charlie : It's fate, Val. Of all the places in all the world, how did the two of us wind up here?
Val : I own this bakery.
Charlie : God, you're funny. That's one of the bazillion things that I love about you. Here, I have something for you.
Val : Oh, no, you don't, Charlie.
Charlie : Yeah. I wanted to wait to give it to you on our second date. Who knew it would be on the same night as our first? Open it.
Val : Charlie, I...
Charlie : Open it!
Val : Okay. Charlie, this is a diamond bracelet.
Charlie : I had a really excellent time tonight.
Val : Charlie, look. The thing is I can't take this. You should save this for someone really special, someone you love who loves you back.
Charlie : I did.
Val : I'm sorry, but I can't accept this.
Charlie : You have to, and you have to put it on right now! Right now, right now, right now, right now, right now!
Val : Okay.
Charlie : See, I knew you really wanted it. Oh, look. Look at how beautiful. It matches your eyes. You know, if your eyes were $2,700.
Val : Okay. Well, thanks for the dinner and the bracelet here. I'm just gonna go right back upstairs, okay? Bye.
Charlie : Bye.
Val : Yikes, almighty.
Holly : So, you really don't trust me?
Vince : How many times are you gonna ask me?
Holly : Until you trust me.
Vince : I do. I mean, I thought I did.
Holly : Until stupid Gary.
Vince: Stupid Gary. Listen, maybe I was getting scared that at the sign of a first problem, you're gonna go running back to Henry or Ben or someone you met in Vermont.
Holly : I'm not gonna meet anyone in Vermont! Vince, I love you. I can't believe you don't know that.
Vince : And I love you, and I can't believe you don't know that.
Holly : Oh, it's just when I saw those numbers of those girls in your phone, it just brought me back to all those girls in your phone. That was the old me thinking that I was with the old you.
Vince : But we're not those people anymore.
Holly : Those people must be eliminated.
Vince : Listen I understand why that ankle bracelet means so much to you. I mean, Henry was your first love. I never had a first love until you. So, keep it.
Holly : I'm your first love?
Vince : And hopefully my last. I can't keep going through this.
Holly : Don't worry. It can only get easier. God willing. And about the phone numbers go ahead and keep them.
Vince : Are you serious?
Holly : No.
Vince : Holly, I already deleted them.
Holly : Are you serious?
Vince : No.
Charlie, at phone : Nana? It's Charlie. Of course, she took the bracelet. And on Halloween, I'm giving her the ring. Oh, Nana I've waited for such a long time, but I've finally found the girl I'm gonna marry. Okay, bye.
